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A Note for My Single Lady Friends

I was single for like five minutes before I married my husband of 27 years and became a parent at a young age. Singleness was like “Ain’t nobody got time for that!” Although I wasn’t single for long and can’t really speak of personal experience, I was raised by a single mother and I know many of you have been on this journey. Single. Never married. Still waiting. Still wondering.

I think of you, my female friends, and what you experience having to check that “single” or “unmarried” box in so many aspects of your life. Why can’t there just be a box that says, “Who cares?” I see your lonely days. I see your longing for more. I hear your questions, “Am I good enough?” or “Why is there no decent man for me?” I see you Sister Chicks. I see you in the alone, whether you are in your room, in your apartment, or in the middle of the crowd at a party. Alone can feel so lonely.You have friends with spouses. You notice your closest friends’ marriages. I see you. I pray for you often.

But God…

God is over the moon for you, sister friends. He knows you. He understands you. He doesn’t identify you as “single”; no, he deems you as his beautiful, fantabulous daughter. You are his. You are the apple of his eye. The cheese to his macaroni. He didn’t create this label for you. Why does the old school song, “One” by Three Dog Night, think that “One is the loneliest number…the saddest experience you’ll ever know?” (I am not a fan of this band, I just remember hearing that song on an elevator or something). Our culture has done a great job of filling our heads with that lie, hasn’t it? Our world wants to put the focus on your “lack”, rather than who you are and what you have to offer.

God created you to be YOU whether you’re married or not. He has plans for you. He has made you with purpose and on purpose. God has purposed you for this time. This day. This month. This year. You’ve been blessed in this moment. He has carved out this time to be with you. Get to know him. Get to know yourself through Jesus Christ. He has made you strong. He has taught you the value of your own company. Take risks. Take advantage of the grace and space to be who you are and to become the woman God has created you to be. Get your bike ready, because you are going for the ride of your life!

“May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loves us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.”

– 2 Thessalonians 2:16 (NIV)

Singleness can be a fabulous gift. Opportunities. Freedom. Time. As a married woman, I often wish for more of that or wish I had treasured the little bit I had in the five minutes I was single. I encourage you to dive into this adventure with God, who is always present, always ready to play. He gets you. He can’t wait to lead you and to have some fun with you! Make some memories! Cultivate the character God is building in you, regardless of your marital status. You know, God creates companionship in the most beautiful ways? What about the life-giving and wonderful people already in your life? The people on this journey, we call life, with you?

Do you know the story of Ruth? She was a rock star of a woman who came to be single after her husband’s death. Ruth was a woman of “noble character” or “excellence” (Ruth 3:11). Ruth was faithful to her commitments and her relationships. Are you willing to go beyond the minimum required of you? She had a stellar work ethic, noticed by many. What does the quality of your work look like? She was content in her circumstances. The Bible does not record Ruth complaining about her life, work, or her “singleness”. Are you content where the Lord has you? What are you gleaning in your life right now? What do you see in your friends, as individuals, not necessarily as “single” or “married”, but as fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Your life, the life God has given you and created you for, has earthly rewards and heavenly rewards, husband or not. Jump after it friends. It’s there for the taking.

As a married woman, I glean so much from you, my single girlfriends. You have given me the gift of encouragement, support, hugs, prayer, and laughs that we women always need, no matter what box we check when it comes to marital status. You single ladies can be the biggest cheerleaders for wives and young moms. Get to know some gals! Bring your fabulous to the table! Be the woman of excellence you were created to be! Be that woman of noble character! Be the joyous “one” in God’s eyes!

Some words from one of my favorite poets, Morgan Harper Nichols:

“For the highs and lows and moments in between, mountains and valleys, and rivers and streams / For where you are now and where you will go / For “I’ve always known” and “I told you so,” for “nothing is happening,” and “all has gone wrong,” it is here in this journey you will remain to be strong / You will get where you’re going, landing where you belong.”

Hugging you so tight,

Tammy