Moms, sometimes we find out about things our young adult kids have done or choices they have made with a particular event; after said event has happened, mind you. As Moms, we want so much for our young adult kids and when we find out about their poor decisions, we want to cringe. We want to dissect every detail with them, while at the same time, not wanting any details. Eek! We want to run and hide in the bathroom and cry to God, “Why am I such a bad mother? How could my kid do this? I have failed him.” Is it just me? We have to trust our kids with the decisions and the consequences of those decisions. We have to trust God, now that they are fully and completely in his hands. Our kids, that we can no longer control, discipline, or even ground them. If only we could put a twenty-five- year-old in a time out, right?
We tend to get all “judgey” or want to point the finger at the friends our kids are hanging out with, not remembering that our children have brains of their own, even though they might be slightly impaired at times, in our minds, anyway. We want to get all over them, condemn them or preach to them. It takes every bone in our body not to put them over our knee for a spanking or to wrap them in our arms to smother them with all the love, feeling bad for them and the consequences they have to pay as a result of their action (for example, if they get a ticket or have to pay for car damages, things like that).
Well, as a Mom of young adults (4 of them), I am doing away with the judgment, the condemnation, the pointing of the finger, the preaching, and the guilt I put on myself, thinking I’m a bad mom. Our kids are good kids. Sometimes they don’t make the best choices. Are our choices always the best? I’m thinking not. I don’t want my kids to believe that they are identified by the choices they make. I want them to believe they are a child of God and our God is a God of grace and forgiveness. Just like God has been my forgiver and grace-giver, over and over and over. How about you?
I take every opportunity to talk with my kids in a casual manner of conversation about their choices and how these choices have honored or dishonored God. This was the case with one of my kids last week. We talked through it and he responded in a respectful God-fearing way. He mentioned that he was wrong in making the decision and now, after the fact, knows it is not for him in the future. He said he felt the Holy Spirit’s conviction right away. I have to believe that my man-child repented and got back on track with God. I have to believe that God has been answering my bold prayers to move in my kids’ lives and hearts. And in this instance, the Lord proved faithful. The Holy Spirit is working in our kids’ hearts, my friends. It’s the heart transformation we desire for these YAs right? It’s now about the choice or the behavior.
I’m thankful for a God that listens to my fervent prayers, for a God that is in full control, a God that I can fully trust in the safety and care of my children, taking the pressure off of me as their Mom. I am grateful for a God that draws our children back to himself, when he sees them drive off-course a bit. I believe God is going to continue working in their lives, cuz he’s good like that, always movin’ and groovin’. I have learned to pray for God to simply or boldly move in my kids’ hearts, to not pray for what I would like for them, or how I want them to behave, think, or act. It’s not up to me. It’s up to my powerful God who does great things, over and over. Take a look at your life. Doesn’t he do great things, even in our mess-ups and mistakes? #praisetheLord
I encourage you to keep praying for your kids’ heart. Pray for transformation, for eternity, not just a change in behavior, to satisfy the here and now. Get rid of the Mom-guilt felt when our kids’ mess up. Get rid of feeling like a terrible mother when they make mistakes. Ignore the enemy trying to sneak into your heart and mind. He’s trying to fill your head with thoughts of embarrassment, judgment, or shame when our friends or family get word of our kids’ choices. If your friends get word of it, remind them that they have never been identified by their bad choices, so why should they judge your kid that way? Also, remember that you don’t have to share every detail, good or bad, of your kids’ lives with everyone. Some stories are just not ours to share. Let the situation be between your son/daughter and God. This honors God and your son/daughter.
I pray this helps you in your Mom-of-Young-Adult-Hood. I pray that you are able to release full control into the hands of our Mighty God. Now, I realize, some situations with our kids are more serious than them making a bad choice. Some choices they make may or may not cause harm to you or themselves. If this is the case, I pray you seek the help of others. God created all of us for community, especially in times like this.
And from Mama to Mama, if I can join you in prayer over your child(ren), please send me an email. I am a full believer in intercessory prayer. You don’t have to share all the details. Maybe their name and age. I would be honored to stand arm-in-arm or kneeled knee-to-knee, right beside you in prayer. Because, parenting YAs can be difficult, but it can also be rewarding when we see the fruit of the Holy Spirit when he answers those prayers.
Hugging you so tight,